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Brian has done many awful things like try to cheat with his best friend Peter’s wife Lois, run away with his friend Joe’s wife, drink excessively, vomit when thinking about sex with a trans person, and treat religious and conservative folks like mentally impaired persons. But even those moments don’t hold a candle to some of his low points that make Family Guy the shocking show that it is.
13 Inventing Two Characters To Be With Kate
In order to have a relationship with a blind woman named Kate, Brian pretends to not be a dog. Worse, he stages events that make him appear incredibly romantic, like saving her from muggers and taking her to Paris. When he gets caught and she ends the relationship, he pretends to be another fictional persona named Noah to continue to date her.
12 Selling His Bogus Self-Help Book
It’s bad enough to sell a book that isn’t effective and claim that it will help change people’s lives. But Brian makes it even worse by treating Stewie, who is the sole reason for its success, and everyone else in his life like they are beneath him. He’s exposed as a fraud publicly on Bill Maher, mercifully putting an end to his antics.
11 Absent Father With One Awful Exception
Brian is forced to spend time with his child, Dylan, and after they craft a bond, he fails to contact Dylan again. That is until he finds out that Dylan is an up-and-coming actor, and Brian tries to weasel his way into resurrecting his writing career by having Dylan give him a job. After acting like an insufferable and getting himself fired, he goes back to being absent in Dylan’s life.
10 Sending Martha To Prison
It’s bad enough to learn that Brian was caught by his co-worker Martha fantasizing over pictures of her mother and sister at a funeral. But that’s not the worst of it.
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To prevent Martha from getting him fired, he plants drugs on her desk and calls the police to have her arrested. And all this is moments after Martha reveals that she decided not to say anything and forgive him.
9 Ripping Off Quagmire
Quagmire and Brian have had an antagonistic relationship for a long time and it’s not getting better anytime soon. When Quagmire extends an olive branch to Brian and helps him get his teeth fixed, Brian gets into real estate and repays this gesture by lying about an investment property and ripping off the only person who helped him.
8 Getting Pot Re-Illegalized
Brian and Stewie are largely to thank for getting pot made legal in Quahog, which would be a rare net good for the ill-intended dog. Unfortunately, this net good is short-lived as Brian receives an offer from Carter to make pot illegal in exchange for getting his book published. He takes the deal and sets a record by having a book with zero sales ever.
7 Gives Family (And Others) Herpes
Instead of warning Chris and Stewie about his herpes, Brian becomes blood brothers with them. They get a lifelong disease as payment for their trust. It’s not just these family members either; Brian is frequently engaged in relations with others who could get the disease as well who have no idea that Brian has herpes.
6 Trying To Get With Patty
Brian has no interest in Patty, even finding her slightly annoying, until he walks in on her dressing. He then crafts a fake personality to have sex with the underage girl. Meg steps in and stops him before he engages in the illegal behavior, but it’s still filthy that he tried.
5 Shooting A Random Waiter
How bad a guy is Brian? Well, the fact that a straight-up murder isn’t at the top of the list says it all. While trying to save Meg, Brian gets ahold of a gun and shoots some bad guys.
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Instead of being content to shoot more bad guys, though, he decides to take a shot for target practice and hits an innocent waiter on a nearby ship, killing him.
4 Attempted Assault Of High School Girls In The Restroom
Stewie and Brian go in disguise to Chris’ school to try and find out why he has been nominated as homecoming king. Instead of sticking to the plan, though, Brian runs into two underage girls and starts to flirt with them. He then follows them into the restroom hoping for a disgusting three-way. Thankfully, security catches him and throws him out. Instead of learning a lesson, Brian moans about the “culture of fear” without realizing that he’s the reason the culture of fear exists.
3 Permitting Woman And Her Child To Drown
While bragging about an act of heroism that led to a hernia, Brian talks about how he stopped a car from sliding into the water. The driver, a woman, asks Brian for just a second so that she can save her baby from the backseat. Since Brian was apparently only interested in having a woman with no kids so she’d date him, he lets the car go, killing the two occupants.
2 Allowing Jess To Die And Then Attempting To Kill Her
Brian gets married to Jess, who he believes has a short time to live, and then finds out her cancer is cured. Perhaps Brian could be slightly forgiven for allowing his wife to die by choking the first time since he was flustered. However, when she comes back to life, he decides he’s tired of her still and it takes an intervention from Peter to stop Brian from setting the apartment on fire with Jess still inside.
1 Ignoring Child Abuse For Chance With Miss Emily
Brian is immediately appalled by the conditions at Stewie’s preschool. The kids are badly neglected, given knives and rusty nails to play with, forced to go to the bathroom in cans on the ground, writing “Save Us” in the blood of unconscious toddlers, and one is even kidnapped by a passer-by. They are forced to eat crackers tossed in the yard. But just as Brian is about to intervene, he decides the teacher, Miss Emily, is attractive and tries to have sex with her.
He ignores an injury that dislocates Stewie’s arm, kitchen explosions, and adult TV shows and books within the kids’ reach to make this sexual conquest come true. Brian finally calls the police but only after learning that Miss Emily has a boyfriend. And he tops it all off by having the nerve to say that there is a special place in hell for people like Miss Emily. After his actions, brian better make that two special places in hell.
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